Ball

I'm on a softball team now. It's a city league, and we play Tues and Thurs nights. Tuesday was our first game, and I only know a couple of the girls (graduating med students). But it was of course a lot of fun. I am sore today, and we play again at 8:30 tonight if it's not raining.

Erica took me to Academy Sports to re-outfit me. I got batting gloves, shorts (can't wear khakis forever, Katy), and new cleats. I haven't worn cleats since high school. This is soooo exciting! I think I'll eventually need a new glove, but I'm holding off for now. I'm finally back in my sports element!

I've played on losing teams my whole life. We lost Tuesday. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I were on some awesome team, because that almost always means people start getting serious and competitive about it. Yuck. I'd rather just get out there and have a blast. We were good my senior year, and it was still fun. Maybe I'm overgeneralizing. Anyway, I have no problem sleeping at night after a loss.

Erica and I have a TON of calls coming up for the month of May. If you don't hear from me, don't despair. For several days, one of us is on every other night. It's never as bad as that sounds, though, because when you're busy you're glad to be busy and time flies. May will go so fast, then to THE BEACH in early June.

Whine

I'm learning not to whine. Again. In high school, I had a button on my backpack that said WHINING with a big red slash through it. I should have kept it around. I can't stand to hear people whine, and then I find myself doing it! "Too busy," "too tired," the list goes on forever. And I'm a very productive individual - it just goes to show you that little excuses can keep any of us from meeting our potential. We all need to be getting out and LIVING more. I love the Alanis Morissette song "Excuses":

Why no one will help me
I am too dumb I am too smart
They'll not understand me
I am lonely
They'll hate me
And there is not enough time
It's too hard to help me
And god wants me to work
No resting no lazy

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked in my own cell

I'm too far from home
It takes far too much energy
And I cannot afford to
No one will ever see me

These excuses how they served me so well
They've kept me safe
They've kept me stoic
They've kept me locked inside my cell

These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me small
They've kept me blocked
They've kept me safe inside my shell

Bringing this into the light
Shakes their foundation
And it clears my side
Now my imagination
Is the only thing that limits
The bar that is raised to the heights

No one can have it all see
I have to they want me to
And I can't let them down
I'll never be happy ----

This song made me realize a while back that we are constantly rationalizing our thoughts away and making excuses for our behaviors. It's also made me mindful of the risks I am sometimes too afraid to take. I only get one shot at life (at least this time around), and mediocrity is not something I strive for. Even my high school college entrance essay proclaimed: "Go places. Do things." All of this to say - enjoy the here and now, and do something with it. Hurry up!

The ride was so smooth, she fell asleep coming up out of the canyon. 

Shut your eyes and think of Sewanee 

The 20x10 3-room 4-door tent 

K.T.

Let me just say one more thing about the awesome geography of the Natural State. You have NOT lived until you've been through a town called Oppelo and laughed your head off saying that word over and over again. I have so many "world's best" memories from my oldest bestest friend and sister Katy Bartlett, and that is a top ten. Oppelo rocks!!

Upload

Pics are posted on my Yahoo! Photos - permanent link is on the right, if you're ever looking. We had a great time at Petit Jean, but it was FREEZING cold on Friday night. Dory had a blast and taught me that she's totally fine with being off the leash while hiking. They grow up so fast.... Church and potluck yesterday. My mom cooked dinner for us and her friends. It was a great meal and wonderful time. I'll have to remember that menu for an entertaining occasion. Thanks, Mom!!

Red letter

Okay, today is such a red-letter day. Of course, it's FRIDAY. That's a big deal. And Erica and I are taking our dog on her first camping trip. Another big deal! And we're all packed up, the consult list is down, the weather is gorgeous, and I ate an Egg McMuffin for breakfast. I might just cease to exist this weekend - I've reached some kind of pinnacle in life! Just kidding.

Thursday is the best night to do nothing. With the Apprentice and ER, you just can't lose. I think we'll actually see a GIRL win the Apprentice this time around. Finally, they have some decent ones. It's time to share with you my all-time "If I wrote an ER episode" fantasy. Two words: Abby and Susan.

Here's hoping for a clear night, blazing fire, and no strong winds. Will post pictures after return...

My mistake

It's 1.1 billion people, according to MSN - not 6 billion. Had to set the record straight.

Papa

I don't have some vendetta against the Catholic Church, although perhaps I could. [That institution is largely to blame for alienating me from a family I used to know.] Point being, I can't blame all of those 6 billion people. Some of them are extremely intelligent - a couple are among my favorite people. So that's my disclaimer for what's next.

From Maureen Dowd's column today:
"The white smoke yesterday signaled that the Vatican thinks what it needs to bring it into modernity is the oldest pope since the 18th century: Joseph Ratzinger, a 78-year-old hidebound archconservative who ran the office that used to be called the Inquisition and who once belonged to Hitler Youth. For American Catholics - especially women and Democratic pro-choice Catholic pols - the cafeteria is officially closed. After all, Cardinal Ratzinger, nicknamed "God's Rottweiler" and "the Enforcer," helped deny Communion rights to John Kerry and other Catholic politicians in the 2004 election."

Sounds like a real winner! I feel sorry for any little girl who grows up as a second-class citizen in her own church. Think about that. I'm just going to stop now before I get ugly. This could go on all day.

Catch-up

It's a weird feeling to look forward to Monday, but I was on call this weekend. It was miserable. The pager started Friday afternoon (during a nap, I think). Most of the things were just phone calls, but I rounded both mornings. On Sunday, there were 5 new consults at the med center - that's pretty unheard-of for a weekend day. So that was pretty overwhelming. Luckily, I got there early and had 2 of them done before rounds. My pager needs a new battery today.

Got to hang out with Landon Friday evening, which was fun. Yardwork and clean cars on Saturday, then Dory had a play-date with Julie the German Shepherd. Sat night was a get-together at some friends' house, but it turned sour and we're still trying to figure out just what happened. Communication is an on-going effort.

I haven't mentioned my new car yet, but I am loving it. It's a gray Mazda 3 4-door. It is such a sporty little ride. I'm not even missing my Jeep, really (someone take my temperature).

We're going camping on Friday!!! I can't wait. It's been since October '03 when we went to DeGray that I've spent the night outside. Isn't that awful? I talked to Jessica this morning, and it sounds like we'll be going to Petit Jean. She and Meredith know a tent site there that I hope we can get. Luckily, they aren't too busy with the moving process to go on a camping trip. It's soooo nice to all have a day off at the same time.

A few people have asked us lately if we're planning on living in LR forever. The answer is never the same. I think it would be a good experience to live somewhere else for a while. Perhaps around the time of our fellowships, we'll do that. But it does seem attractive to move back. Our church, friends, family, etc. make it really hard to consider leaving forever. The other issue is when to have a baby... and that's just so hard to plan at this point. I think in some ways we're ready, but in others... we have a lot to think about. It's not something you want to do when you're at the busiest point in your life as far as training. Once I get into my "real" residency, I'll have a better idea.

And I've decided that I'm not going to worry about if our world is ready for me to have a kid. (Will she get made fun of at school? What will his friends' parents think? etc) Life is short. My being gay is not going to change or "get better." I have to be the source of change, and waiting around for some abstract idea of acceptance is just waiting. So when the time is right for Erica and me, the time will be right. I hope I'm not offending anyone, but there you have it. Glad I got that off my chest.

Quick

Just a quick post before rounds... It's been a good week. This month is going so quickly.

Last night Kate came over for a dinner of hamburgers (not my best), sweet potatoes (E's new creation), and salad. Oh, and beer and ice cream. It was a lot of fun to see her and just hang out. When you spend so much time running with someone, you end up knowing everything about one another. I've missed that communication since the marathon. I do admire Kate and her personality - she has a ton of insight and is always forthcoming. Anyway, that's my little plug for the best running buddy ever.

Speaking of running, I have been so lazy this week. The sedentary life is not for me. It just makes me feel bad all over. Whenever this happens, I spend days trying to figure out why I did it again! So I'm on a detox diet (c.f. Supersize Me) and taking the stairs all up and down the VA. I'll be back in no time.

I'm on call this weekend, so I can't make many plans. Hopefully I'll get to spend some time playing.

Small World

I'm glad to see that the blog I mentioned circled back around to Little Rock. I haven't worked with Andy yet, but that's in my near future.

For my "upset" article of the day, I have learned that Title 9 is in some danger. From the NY Times:

"The Bush administration has mounted a surreptitious new attack on Title IX, the 33-year-old law that has exponentially expanded the participation of girls and women in sports.

Last month, a memo went up on an Education Department Web site that was billed as a "clarification" of Title IX regulations. But the memo amounted to a major weakening of the criteria used to determine compliance with the rule that all schools receiving public funds provide equal sports opportunities for men and women. Under the new guidelines, on campuses where the proportion of female athletes falls notably below the proportion of women in the student body, and sports programs for women are not expanding, a college will still be able to show it is "fully and effectively" obeying the law by doing an online survey that shows women have no unmet sports interests. The department says that if the rate of response is low - as it is with most such surveys - that will be interpreted as a lack of interest."

There's more where that came from, of course. For full text, click here. You'll need a password for some of their articles. It's free and something you need to do, anyway!

Site

I just found the coolest site! It's another blog, and it's called "So What Can I Do?" Lots of good links about how to fix all the things that aren't going so well in the world. From recycling to AIDS awareness to political turmoil. Looks like it's all there - I'm planning on learning more about it.

Rain

It's a nasty day in central Arkansas. Dory woke up whining at about 5:15, so I'll be tired tonight when it's bedtime! She was upset about the storm. We had a lot of lightning, and big-time rain.

What can I tell you about the weekend... not much on Friday. We had planned on going to the Traveler's game, but it didn't work out. Stayed at home. Saturday was errand day. Oh, and of course "weekend coffee day" at our house. On the weekends, we pull out the real coffeemaker rather than the one-cup. What an exciting life.

We also went to Hunter's soccer game. It's always good to see the kiddos! I mowed the front and back yard and filled in some holes (some from Dory, some from chronic erosion stuff). I always feel good after cleaning up the yard. Then, I went to dinner at Bryce and Sunshine's house. They cooked out steaks, and once again I found myself surrounded by surgeons (except for Alex). Molly came bearing multiple bottles of wine - it's a long story. The short version is that it's really hard to keep track of how much you've had in a situation such as this. Virtually impossible. A good time was had by all. Unfortunately, I didn't get any of the ice cream I had made. Hmm. Guess I get to make it again soon.

Saturday night made me realize how important it is to keep up with friends. I have missed out on a LOT in the past few months.

Sunday brunch with Dad, Sara, Mimi, and a friend of Sara's at the Clinton library. It was pretty good food - and I can always feed a hangover. Helped Brooke move some stuff out of storage. I hope the W&D still work.

I had a great conversation with Erica Jensen, I mean "Travis Nolan," last night. She changed her phone number and I didn't know about it. Some guy in Atlanta got a lot of calls from me Saturday night. It's a blizzard in Denver. She survived an interesting bar experience the other night. I wish I could have been there for her first lesbian club! [At least I think it was her first.] We're all getting excited for Sewanee Homecoming 2005.

I am so proud of Erica. She has had a really hard time in the past few months with her residency. Things are getting better, but she has faced a lot of things head-on and with confidence and maturity. This has garnered her quite a bit of respect, but it hasn't been easy.

Yesterday, Erica said, "There's no picture of me on your blog!!" I figured I could come up with a remedy... 

Eats

This is what I wrote last night, but it wouldn't let me post:

The link to my photo albums should be up and working now. I've updated everything - feel free to take a peek.

Sometimes I feel like life revolves around eating. Maybe it does. Anyway, last night we went to dinner with Jennifer Keller - it had been way too long. She is doing well, much improved, falling in love?, etc. I was so glad to see her. She is like a rock as far as friends go. Always there to check on you. Bryce and Sunshine Murray also came. I swear, hanging out with all these surgeons wears me out. Just the thought of spending that many hours in the hospital. Yikes. A good time was had by all. The Living Room is awesome.

Work was more enjoyable today because the fellow wasn't there - I had more time to "run the team" and give my ideas about the patients. Also connected with my attending, Dr. Martin. Her daughter was in Mom's class at the Anthony. And she and Brent Polk go way back, so it was fun to hear her talk about that.

I had a patient tell me today, "Kill me. Kill me." He was mouthing the words because he has a tracheostomy (breathing tube via his neck; think papal). I didn't know what to do. At first I acted like I couldn't understand him - because I wasn't sure that's what he meant at all. He was pointing at something. I think he was telling me to tell his doctors (we're only the consultants) that he wants to die. He was saying, "Die. Die. Die."

Sometimes you think you have a hold on medical ethics and your opinions. Everyone has their time, etc. I approach a lot of these things philosophically, and it seems like I'm always thinking about them. But then, you're totally put on the spot and staring into the eyes of some patient you barely even know - and he's BEGGING you to let him go. I wish I were his main doc. I would sit and spend more time with him and figure out what his wishes are. But when you're in the surgical ICU and the surgery residents are waiting right there, telling you that they'll "get it from here," you're stuck. Some days you come home exhausted for no "physical" reason - today was one of those days. This wore me out. All I could do was try to comfort him and let him know that we were going to try to help him get better. He'll be the first person I see tomorrow.

Appropriately, the lecture at a banquet I went to tonight was on medical ethics, professionalism, etc. The speaker is a well-renowned ethicist and educator. I enjoyed her talk, but my thoughts were with this patient instead. All I can do is voice my opinion in this man's care. The rest is up to someone else. I hope they are compassionate.

Shower song

Okay, obviously it's not very busy on ID consults today. I am wasting time, surfing along, and come upon music playlists at MSN music. Now, there is no way that the playlist "Singin' in the Shower" is not going to appeal to me. I LOVE to sing in the shower. In fact, I take that several steps farther: I love to sing loud cheesy music whenever, wherever. I have lost my voice on long car trips because of this. I have been stone-cold sober and gotten yelled at in dorms for screaming Celine Dion songs at the top of my lungs (don't laugh, Erica Brooke - you were there, too). And karaoke at the Murfreesboro Holiday Inn was among my top 10 college memories!

I'm an iTunes girl, so I hope I'm not betraying that loyalty by passing this along. I plan on buying some of these from the Apple folks!

Hmm, that's funny. Wait a second... I already own most of these!!

Column

There is a piece in the NY Times today that you should read. Click on the link here to pull up today's Nicholas Kristof column.

Susan Holmes in Chattanooga is working with Episcopal Relief and Development on the crisis in Sudan. I will be e-mailing her to get resources on how to help. She is my former crew coach's wife.

Cheers!

Pretty good day at work. Home, snack, nap. The usual day, really. But we ate dinner tonight at Cheers with Dad and Sara. It was a lot of fun. They had a great trip to Spain and are still getting over jet lag. They played like crazy with Dory before and after. I really love hanging out with my dad. It's good to be able to say that as an adult! He has taught me that life is short, and the last thing on earth I should concern myself with is what other people think of me. I have lots of good things to say about him, as most of you know.

I had homework tonight: an article about MRSA. If you don't know what that stands for, you're really a lucky person. It's a bad bacterium that is changing the face of infectious disease. Not good at all.

Brooke's blog is up and running.

The lightning is picking up outside. I think I'll cut short for now. Tomorrow is cleaning day - hooray! And my goal is to get some computer photo stuff finished up, as well as some iTunes play-time.

Am I finally figuring out how to do this??? This is (of course) Dory. 

This is Sydney enjoying some dessert at our house.  

NCAA

I don't watch a lot of sports, but I LOVE the Final Four games every year. Since I don't follow through the season, I just pick a favorite at the last minute. Sometimes it's because of their jersey color, or coach's name, or favorite player, or a team's status as underdog. Tonight, of course, I was hoping for an Illinois win (they were down 9 or 10 when I turned it on). Alas, it wasn't meant to be. I'll pick somebody tomorrow night for the women's side. My favorite sports phrase of all time is, "I hate the Vols." But I like watching Pat Summit; women's b-ball is the total exception to my favorite phrase. Too bad they didn't make it this year.

If you're in Arkansas, you'll want to know about house bill 1883. It's a bill that would ban smoking in restaurants that earn >30% of their revenues from food (not alcohol). I e-mailed my legislator and was totally impressed to get a response from him. He is planning on voting FOR it. You can go here and click on "Legislators" to find an e-mail address. Let them know you're fed up with it!!! Thanks to Susanna Shermer for passing that along.

I've noticed yellow pollen on the cars for the first time today. Time again for daylight savings, lawnmowers, Flonase, and golf clubs!

Back to the grind

I always think of Sunday night as "back to the grind." It's like recharging, getting ready for the new week. I like that. The weekend was good. Had a good time on the houseboat, although it was chilly at times. We actually rode jet skis on Saturday. I rolled up my scrub pants, took off my shoes, and we took off! It was fun to be back on the water. The only thing I won't miss is the 4-foot ceiling in the "bedroom." The lake was gorgeous.

I went to a wedding shower last night for Matt Duncan. He is getting married in June. It was fun to see his family and a few of the old pals (and their parents). I never thought I would be old enough to say the words, "I haven't seen you in [gasp] ten years!" Apparently, I am exactly old enough to be saying that. I am happy for Duncan.

Church was fun today - we loved seeing the Joheims and Sydney! We ate lunch in a group at Community Bakery, then did a little shopping. OH, I forgot the most important part of the day - before church, Erica and I cleaned out our closets. Again. This is an ongoing thing, but today was a big purge. Naturally, the next thing to do is go shopping to replace all those clothes! We restrained pretty well.

It is almost too much to go to Old Navy on a Sunday, because there are dogs up for adoption outside of Petco. Sigh.... Dory would kill us if we came home with a puppy. And we've decided we love her too much. How can you improve on perfection?