Wednesday, April 27, 2011


It's hard to get through a day without amassing a new layer of complexity in life. Not only are there more things to do and more fires to put out, there are new ways of listing, organizing, and considering all these new things.

Where to put things has been on my mind. Papers - new leather bag, new file folders. Computer files - new external hard drive, new Dropbox, new Evernote, new PDF readers, new plans for new iPad that should arrive tomorrow. Thoughts - new desire to invigorate the blog not the least. How do I keep up with all the todo lists? How do I take notes at work? [There are so many thoughts.] Projects - how to separate, plan, initiate, and overcome roadblocks?

Just one example (work-related): I have many ideas for improvements once I get back home. How do I incorporate them? Why isn't there a simple way to document and share our operating schedule electronically? What system do I suggest? How in the world can we be HIPPA compliant? Why don't my partners want to use the available resources? How can the freshest member of the group expect immediate change? What will it look like to gain leadership responsibilities over the years? Will I be good at it? How am I going to be in charge of resident education the second I get back, when I've just started my career? How can I teach them while integrating all the new technologies (did someone say iPad)?

My brain just seems to stay busy these days. I've been working on ways to get all these thoughts out of my head. If you were to read a stream of consciousness of my thoughts in a 24-hour period, I'm confident it would take you weeks to get through it all.

And yet. There are moments when clarity is an understatement. Sometimes, my needle goes where it is supposed to go, and I can see it advancing into the kidney on ultrasound, and that tiny little duct is MINE, and I am there in the moment, and the contrast flows in, and the wire passes, and access is granted, and kids magically luckily thankfully get better. There is so much to be said for deep deep concentration that pays off. There is a time when I am operating and nothing else exists. This space of time shapes my days and rewards me and keeps me going in spite of journal articles and paperwork and stress and malpractice and budget cuts and suffering and birthers (for crying out loud).

Stay afloat we must. The journey continues.


Julia and Mark said...

Leah, you haven't changed a bit! Even in Jr High you were a thinker. Some day when Mark & I are in the USA we will have to take a trip to see you, Erica, and the boys. (Just found out we're having a boy - so excited!) Hope you are having a good week.
Julz :-)

Leah said...

I am THRILLED you're about to be a mom! Bravo. Happy first mother's day - sort of. We would love to get together!!